Saturday, August 30, 2008

Zen Master

I am feeling absolutely exhausted and weak. as in "oh no do I have to go to the loo" So I have spent all day in bed, other than one walk I forced James to take me on!! (In between rugby games)
James, the Zen Master says that he has leant the art of being able to lie down, in the same position, for a long time without getting bed sores. He said he would teach me!! Yuk---- no it is not that bad!! (anyone who knows James will understand)
The hardest part of this is I have never been able to get my head (sorry) around this illness. I don't mean "why me" rather "is it a big problem or will it slightly lower my quality of life" It has NEVER felt real or part of me, still after all this. The symptoms I have been experiencing have been so vague, headaches aren't exactly top of serious illness lists. Needless to say, I think it is probably easier for others to find it serious.
James has been talking to me about the weekend when all the drama happened. After the 1st op and I deteriorated, he and the doctors had to decide what to do. If they took the grit out, and didn't test me before the main op, I could loose my speech. If they didn't and left me in that condition for a few more days, I could have had a stroke or be paralysed. I don't go through any of those questions or understand what is happening, so no worries on my side.
I was never really worried about side effects, I was rather scared of the actual operation (is it necessary, what about death??) So I am amazed how blessed I am to come out the way I did. (I think the Big Guy must have a special liking towards me)
Don't get me wrong, I have had side effects... but that will be another blog.
So... I am starting to realise the enormity of what I have been through! (I am a bit slow!!)
For now I will keep using my blog to keep my mind active!! I am going to try get some pics of me in the operating room to put on the blog!! I will probably kick myself for showing the world these unattractive photos / videos!!

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