Saturday, October 18, 2008

How am I feeling?

When people see me, the first thing they usually ask is "How are you feeling?" I am not afraid to be honest. I remember that when my Gran died of cancer, she never really told us how she was. I was quite upset. Getting the answer "fine" was really irritating. Since I have been going through this, I have realised that most of the time I am fine. For some reason, people think you shouldn't be or just don't believe you.

So how am I? Physically, my head still hurts and the bone hasn't fused yet. It does the clicking thing. Thats frustrating because I can't sleep on that side yet. Emotionally, I am worried about chemo and radiation. I am not happy to go through it. I think half of the problem is that I don't know what to expect. You hear horror stories of what people experience. It is a shock to be "sick" enough to have to go for chemo. It is really difficult not to feel like "Damaged Goods" I sometimes feel very shy.

No sympathy or pity. I think that is the worst. I have been chatting to some people who are going through much worse and realise that they feel so isolated. The best is to treat a person as normal. We don't want to be reminded all the time! We haven't changed.

This is not supposed to be depressive. I just think it is important that people know how it feels to go through it. I am really blessed to have the friends and family I have. My blog has been an outlet and I am able to show that not all is doom and gloom! We still want to like our life to the full, even with our health challenges! But by all means ask how I am!

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