Sunday, December 28, 2008

Back to reality

Last night was plagued with weird dreams and concerns. I can honestly say that for the first time I felt really worried / nervous about the radiation and chemo. I felt like I did the night before the 3rd operation. It just seems like the reality set it and hit me hard. (Yes I am slow)

Besides the normal side effects that concern me, this means a change of lifestyle. Even if it is temporary. All of this is quite daunting. Being out of control of your own body is really horrible. I have never been keen to do it but I am reluctantly going forward. I am at that stage where "this better work" Tired of being messed around and having my emotions on a roller coaster.

I have learnt one thing through all of this, never look at stats just before you embark on treatment. (I mean look at it long before you start) Otherwise all the negative stuff flies up to greet you with a bang!!

I will have to have blood tests first to check my platelets. Then it is all go. Physically, I am feeling good. I have enjoyed my holiday, eaten well and I am looking forward to relaxing at home a bit. It is still hard not to feel like "used goods"

So my most important new year resolution is to get healthy (total healing being the optimum!)

I had a good laugh, James' Aunties have recently moved into a retirement village. The sisters went to the normal end of year Christmas dinner. Not knowing anyone and feeling a bit awkward, Glenda's opening line was "Isn't it bloody awful being old" .........No-one found that funny?? I wonder if I can use that line?

1 comment:

Barb said...

Dee soon as the family have gone home I will write, but in the meantime I just wanted to let you know that both Roche and I are thinking of you and praying for a a complete demise of the tumor.

Hope all goes well tomorrow and that you tolerate the treatments with little side effects.

Lots of love,
Roche and Bar

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